What Do You Want Me 2 Do?

Prairie Voles and Male Fidelity

“What Do U Want Me 2 Do” from the album Musicology (2004)

"I see you picked me out like you want something
But shame on you, baby, can't you see this ring?
I got a woman, you got a man
So we got to do what's right"

What do male prairie voles and male humans have in common? It turns out we both have a part in our brains that controls the desire to form close relational ties according to Professor Larry Young, Ph.D (Wrobel, 2010). It is a gene that manages the release of vasopressin. Vasopressin is a hormone that activates receptors in the brain to regulate behavior (Wrobel, 2010). In male prairie voles, vasopressin helps keep the male close to his mate and in turn keeps the female competition far away. It stimulates bonding centers in the brain which makes them feel attached and protective of their partner. Oxytocin in women acts the same way that vasopressin works in men. So now we know that biology plays a part in male fidelity (Wrobel, 2010). Does that mean that biology in the main factor that will determine how faithful someone will be?

According to John Gottman & Nan Silver (2012) the answer is no. Self-control is a major reason why men cheat. Whether it be for sexual or emotional reasons men simply cheat because they choose to. Many men have the option to cheat and they don't. The raconteur in this song illustrates that choice: I see you picked me out like you want something, But shame on you, baby, can't you see this ring? He is clearly aware that a sexual encounter can happen but he is not interested in straying from his mate. His vasopressin is clearly flowing freely. Yes it's true that men struggle with self-control based on a plethora of things such as upbringing, religious beliefs, cultural climate, marital happiness, etc and so forth but when it comes down to it a choice has to be made, to cheat or not to cheat (Gottman, & Silver, 2012).

A lot men of men put themselves in a position where they are more likely to cheat. If you know that you have a weakness for a certain type of person then don't put yourself in a situation that will increase your chances to cheat, don't be alone with that person, keep it professional, keep boundaries, etc. Regardless of the decision you make there will be consequences. Some men go into affairs without thinking about the results of it. They don't think about the lost relationships both family and friend wise. Infidelity is a huge deal to a lot of people and how your affair will affect you socially and familial should always be factored in. The lines I got a woman, you got a man, so we got to do what's right is great advice when you think about the long term affects that an affair can have on a person's life.

References

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2012). What makes love last?: How to build trust and avoid betrayal. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Wrobel, S. (2010). Why do voles fall in love: And what that means for human health. Emory Health Journal, Spring (1-4).