Sister

Incest and Learned Helplessness

“Sister” from the album Dirty Mind (1980)

“Oh, sister
Don't put me on the street again
Oh, sister
I just want to be your friend”

Any sexual contact with a child can unleash a constellation of dysfunction on the victim. But sexual contact between family members creates so many debilitating problems that few victims are able to overcome them. One of these problems is confusing sexual contact with acceptance and validation. Some who have suffered through this tragedy often have thoughts such as “My dad only told me he loved me after he would rape me” or “I only felt validated when I could satisfy my dad sexually.” This confusion causes many to use sex as a means to feel self-worth which leads to promiscuity and prostitution. Also victims of incest still feel affection and love towards their abuser. They defend them and sometimes delude themselves that what is happening to them is not bad, “My brother would never hurt me, this can't be wrong” or “Daddy says I'm the love of his life, he would never hurt me.” This cognitive dissonance is expressed in this song with the lyrics: Oh, sister, don't put me on the street again, oh, sister, I just want to be your friend.”

This is perhaps the strangest song lyrically in the entire oeuvre of Prince. In it the narrator shares how his sister takes his virginity, prostitutes him on the street, physically abuses him yet he still clamors for her acceptance and love. Why on earth would someone still want to be loved by someone who routinely abuses them? It turns out that helplessness can become a learned behavior. In 1965 Martin Seligman conducted an experiment in which dogs were caged up and forced to endure harmful electric shocks with no way to escape. A second group of dogs were administered the same painful shocks but they were allowed to escape. After a a few rounds of shocks the first group were shocked again, this time with escape now a possibility, they did not leave (Maier, S.F. & Seligman, M. E., 1976). They had been conditioned to endure pain.

As humans we can learn to endure all types of pain whether it be physical or mental pain (Vastag, B., 2003). That is why it is hard for those who haven't suffered abuse to understand Battered Spouse Syndrome or Stockholm Syndrome. Just as sure as the aforementioned dogs were shocked into enduring pain, victims of incest are emotionally shocked into enduring their pain. We all want and need to be loved. If those in our lives are abusive towards us, we can learn to accept that abuse as a form of love.

References

Maier, S. F. & Seligman, M. E. Learned helplessness: Theory and evidence. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Vol. 105(1), Mar 1976, 3-46.

Vastag B. Scientists find connections in the brain between physical and emotional pain. The Journal of the American Medical Association, 2003, 290(18): 2389-2390.