Mountains

Stop Fighting Your Negative Thoughts

“Mountains” from the album Parade (Music from Under the Cherry Moon) 1986

"You said the devil told you that another mount will appear
Every time somebody broken your heart
He said the sea would one day overflow with all your tears
And love will always leave you lonely

But I say it's only mountains and the sea"

How many times have you been told, “You need to think more positively.” That sounds like good advice on the surface because of course we should think positive who wants to be around a negative person all the time? The problem with that is that on average 80% of our thoughts are negative (Harris, 2008). That's a pretty big mountain of negativity to overcome. So what are we to do with these thoughts fight them? No, not at all.

There is nothing wrong with having negative thoughts (since we all have them) problems arise only when we start believing them. Consider the tabloid magazine industry. We all know that over 80% of what is said in those publications is false, taken out of context or sensationalized yet we believe them anyway. Why is that? For starters the stories in the tabloids remind us of the negative thoughts that we think about ourselves therefore we ascribe truth to these stories. Now you see why the Kardashians have hung around for so long (wink). Why are we conditioned to think bad thoughts. It comes down to one word: judgment. We label our thoughts as good and bad.

The reason why 80% of our thoughts are negative is because we have evolved to be problem solvers (Ramachandran, 2011). There are a lot of ways to die here on earth so we constantly have to be aware and solve whatever problem is before us so we don't die. For example while driving we notice someone is driving erratically and we think, “Look at that idiot.” Is that a good or bad thought? Neither it's just a thought born out of the desire to not want to die. Your boss says something rude to you and you think “What a jerk she is.” Again this is not a good or bad thought, it is a thought born out of either a) a desire to what to be accepted b) fear of job security or a plethora of other things.

When we start to believe our negative thoughts about ourselves that's where self-esteem, depression, etc. begin to creep into our minds. That's why it is very important to ask ourselves 3 questions about our negative thoughts: 1. Is this thought important? 2. Is this thought true? 3. Is this thought helpful (Harris, 2008)? Be truthful with yourself. Next time a thought like “I am such a _____” pops into your head ask yourself those 3 questions and if the answer is no to either one of them, then label it not true (I call them “tabloid thoughts”) and let that thought go. Thoughts are only as important as we make them. You can believe the thoughts you are having are true or that they are only mountains and the sea. Meaning they are just another part of life. Not good or bad, just another thing. In these lyrics Prince is giving the listener a choice on how they want to label the thoughts in their minds.

References

Harris, R. (2008). The Happiness Trap. Boston, MA: Trumpeter Books.

Ramachandran, V. S. (2011). The Tell-Tale Brain: A Neuroscientist's Quest for What Makes Us Human. New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.