Pop Life

The Psychology of Poverty

“Pop Life” from the album Around the World In A Day (1985)

“What's the matter with your life
Is the poverty bringing U down'
Is the mailman jerking U 'round'
Did he put your million dollar check
In someone else's box'”

We often beat ourselves up for not living up to expectations that we or someone else has placed on us. While having expectations is a healthy and normal part of life they can become problematic if they are unrealistic. Our socioeconomic context has as much affect on our behavior as our genes do. The age old debate between nature and nurture plays a part here, we sometimes forget that nature includes our living conditions.

“Is poverty bringing U down?” For anyone who has been poor the answer to that is an emphatic YES! The stress of not having enough money to pay your bills, not being able to give your kids the best, the constant financial uncertainty, etc. has the potential to degrade your quality of life. Picture yourself after an all-nighter, being poor is like that every day (Mullainathan & Shafir, 2014). We know the affects of sleep deprivation, degraded cognitive functioning, decreased IQ, anxiousness, chronic health problems, depression, decreased sexual desire and increases the risk of death ( Moorcraft, 2013). Add on top of that the social stigmatization that “You are lazy” or “Choose to be poor” or are a criminal then we can see the massive psychological duress that the poor endure.

The overwhelmingly majority of poor people do not want to be poor and they have the expectation to get out of that situation. That is all well and good but often the way they expect to get out of their situation is flawed. The lines, “Did he put your million dollar check in someone else's box” references that. Sometimes we expect our lives to get better without the effort. We expect God to answer our prayers and rescue us from our current situation, expect to win the lottery or make it big with a get rich quick scheme, etc. I don't want to over simplify the complex nature of poverty but I do want to point out that expectation is a huge key to get out of poverty. If you expect to go to school or learn a trade that will pay a liveable wage so that you can get out of poverty that is a healthy expectation (granted it doesn't always work out that way) however if you want someone else to do it for you that is not a healthy expectation.

If you are poor and are feeling depressed or stressed out that is normal. The poor should not feel like something is wrong with them if they are feeling down, they are having a natural response to their living situation. Seeking counseling and improving their support system are steps that can be taken to improve anyone's quality of life. Prince sings that, “Everybody needs a thrill.” This is true, finding things in your life that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself is tantamount to improving how you view your world. Poverty is a daily trauma that the poor endure the fact that they continue on is a testament to their fortitude. We as a society should be expected to know the psychological pain that poverty brings and do what we can to help alleviate that strain on our fellow human beings.

References

     Mullainathan, S. & Shafir, E. (2014). Scarcity: The New Science of Having Less and How It               Defines Our Lives. New York: Times Books 

              Moorcroft, W. H. (2013). Understanding Sleep and Dreaming. New York: Springer.

Mountains

Stop Fighting Your Negative Thoughts

“Mountains” from the album Parade (Music from Under the Cherry Moon) 1986

"You said the devil told you that another mount will appear
Every time somebody broken your heart
He said the sea would one day overflow with all your tears
And love will always leave you lonely

But I say it's only mountains and the sea"

How many times have you been told, “You need to think more positively.” That sounds like good advice on the surface because of course we should think positive who wants to be around a negative person all the time? The problem with that is that on average 80% of our thoughts are negative (Harris, 2008). That's a pretty big mountain of negativity to overcome. So what are we to do with these thoughts fight them? No, not at all.

There is nothing wrong with having negative thoughts (since we all have them) problems arise only when we start believing them. Consider the tabloid magazine industry. We all know that over 80% of what is said in those publications is false, taken out of context or sensationalized yet we believe them anyway. Why is that? For starters the stories in the tabloids remind us of the negative thoughts that we think about ourselves therefore we ascribe truth to these stories. Now you see why the Kardashians have hung around for so long (wink). Why are we conditioned to think bad thoughts. It comes down to one word: judgment. We label our thoughts as good and bad.

The reason why 80% of our thoughts are negative is because we have evolved to be problem solvers (Ramachandran, 2011). There are a lot of ways to die here on earth so we constantly have to be aware and solve whatever problem is before us so we don't die. For example while driving we notice someone is driving erratically and we think, “Look at that idiot.” Is that a good or bad thought? Neither it's just a thought born out of the desire to not want to die. Your boss says something rude to you and you think “What a jerk she is.” Again this is not a good or bad thought, it is a thought born out of either a) a desire to what to be accepted b) fear of job security or a plethora of other things.

When we start to believe our negative thoughts about ourselves that's where self-esteem, depression, etc. begin to creep into our minds. That's why it is very important to ask ourselves 3 questions about our negative thoughts: 1. Is this thought important? 2. Is this thought true? 3. Is this thought helpful (Harris, 2008)? Be truthful with yourself. Next time a thought like “I am such a _____” pops into your head ask yourself those 3 questions and if the answer is no to either one of them, then label it not true (I call them “tabloid thoughts”) and let that thought go. Thoughts are only as important as we make them. You can believe the thoughts you are having are true or that they are only mountains and the sea. Meaning they are just another part of life. Not good or bad, just another thing. In these lyrics Prince is giving the listener a choice on how they want to label the thoughts in their minds.

References

Harris, R. (2008). The Happiness Trap. Boston, MA: Trumpeter Books.

Ramachandran, V. S. (2011). The Tell-Tale Brain: A Neuroscientist's Quest for What Makes Us Human. New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.

Diamonds & Pearls

To Love And Be Loved That's All There Is

“Diamonds & Pearls” from the album Diamonds & Pearls (1991)

“Am I the weaker man
Because I understand
That love must be the master plan”

In any relationship that involves humans there will eventually be conflict. Whether it be a friend, family member or loved one disagreements happen; therefore learning healthy ways to resolve them. Compromise is a tried and true method of handling conflict. Most people think that when you compromise that is a sign of weakness (that could explain the lack of it in Congress these days). Prince touches on the heart of settling disputes in a positive way when he signs “Am I the weaker man,
Because I understand, That love must be the master plan.” When discord arrives love must be at the foreground of our minds not “winning” the argument. It takes a weak person to give into pride and try to get the other person to see how wrong they were. It takes a strong person to understand that love keeps no records of wrongs. If you aren't keeping records of wrongs than you don't have to show the person how wrong they are.

That's not to say that you don't stand up for yourself, instead when you do do it from a place of love. If you are having a disagreement with a person and your goal is to get them to see things the way you want them too, discord will be your reward. However, if you are seeking to understand where they are coming from and solutions to the problem at hand, love will be your reward. By developing a history of compromise the message we communicate is, darling, please sacrifice something for me so that I know that you love me, and in return I will stop considering you as the major compromise of my life (Ben-Zeev, 2010). Then together you both set up precedents that encourage compromise and collaboration to create solutions together instead of winning arguments. Or as Prince says in this song, “I am here for u
Love is meant for two, Now tell me what u're gonna do?” If the other person knows that you are a positive influence in their life (I am here for you) then they will want to work on the relationship (love is meant for two) and the only way to make relationships work is through compromise. So tell me what are you gonna do?

Reference

Ben-Zeev, A. (2010, September 24). Does Love Involve Sacrifice or Compromise? Retrieved May 19, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201009/does-love-involve-sacrifice-or-compromise.

Lady Cab Driver

The Light of the Past
"Lady Cab Driver" from the album 1999 (1982)

The opening lines to this song:

“Lady cab driver, can you take me for a ride?

Don't know where I'm goin'
'Cuz I don't know where I've been”

Could also be interpreted as “Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.” In this song the narrator is so lonely that he needs the company of a woman to help him deal with his problems (the cold winds). Since he is telling the lady exactly what he wants we can assume that he has used this coping mechanism before so when trouble or stress arises he returns to it just like we all do. Some of us lash out, self-medicate, shutdown, etc. We all have coping mechanisms and too often they are not healthy for us. Once we develop these behaviors they become automatic reactions. For example when conflict arises with a loved one you might shut down because in the past doing this prevented you from becoming hurt emotionally or made the argument end. All behavior has a reason and the reason here is emotional protection. Unfortunately you are doing the opposite. You are putting up a wall that is cutting you off from having an intimate relationship with your loved one(s) further isolating you and hurting you emotionally. This is the problem with most coping mechanisms they do more harm than good and we delude ourselves into thinking they are helping us when in fact they are harming us. Drug addicts know full well how destructive coping mechanisms can be.

In order for us to get where we are going we have to know where we came from. This true but some people get stuck in the past because we believe — mistakenly, all too often — that the knowledge or insight we will gain from the past will give us what we need to change our behaviors, thoughts and feelings today (Grohol, 2010). The past can only tell us how we go to where we are today it cannot give us the insight to change present behavior. Our past is merely a light that illuminates the pathways on the map that is our life. Once we know where we are on that map we can change our behavior. For instance if a person realizes that every time they drink they end up blacked out or doing something that puts their life at risk. They have acknowledged their past, “When I drink I lose control.” That knowledge will not change their future but they now see that there is a huge cliff in front of them on their life map and they can either continue to walk over the edge or change their direction. Without knowing where we are we will not know where we are going. The narrator in this song has that epiphany at the end of the song, Prince sings:

Not knowing where I'm going
This galaxy's better than not having a place to go
And now I know
(I know)

Indeed not having a place to go is an awful feeling because humans are communal by nature. Our maps will guide us to where we need and want to be, in loving relationships with others but if we never find out where we are on that map (thanks to the light of the past) we will be looking for a Lady Cab Driver to protect us from the cold winds.

Reference
Grohol, J. M. (2010, July 3). How Your Past Can Help Guide Your Future. Retrieved May 18, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/07/03/how-your-past-can-help-guide-your-future/ 

Copyright Aaron C. Anderson 2015